|Laser Mission VHS Cover Scan courtesy of|
Before I threw this on I did some internet digging and saw that a lot of people consider this a "So Bad, It's Good" type of Bad Movie. I wish I could agree, but the truth is that it's just a bad movie.....period. Definitely not a film that you can watch with your friends and laugh at. You'll more than likely be annoyed more than anything, and oftentimes confused as to what type of film this was supposed to be, because I have not been able to figure it out. And it's while watching this disaster unfold that I kept going back to all the praise I found on it online, and wondering "what movie were they watching?!".
Seriously, this film is terrible. I can't tell if it's supposed to be a serious film, or if it's supposed to be silly. It plays out straight, like a low-budget martial arts action film, yet there are so many bizarre moments in this film that make you believe otherwise. Like, for example, the actors who are clearly European, but wearing brown makeup to look like they're from Cuba, complete with ridiculous accent. There's even a moment where Brandon Lee puts on brownface makeup to infiltrate this army of Cuban militants, and shockingly nobody notices how fake it looks. It's that kind of disbelief that permeates through this entire film and it's downright annoying trying to figure out whether this was supposed to be silly on purpose or if they did this all with a straight face. I don't know, and it really doesn't matter because.....the film is terrible. The largely inept action sequences only make the experience harder to endure. Again, with nonsensical silliness added in that just leave you scratching your head.
One thing that kind of blew my mind was the fact that Ernest Borgnine is in this pile of garbage. And he seems and sounds so out of place too. The accent he's attempting to do just doesn't work, and that, interestingly enough brings up another issue. I have no idea where any of this is supposed to take place. They never make it clear. The film is mixed with American, fake Cubans, Cubans, and Russians. But, you never know where exactly they're supposed to be. Why is a white American woman working in a zoo in a foreign country? Or, is it supposed to be the US? Why is there random Cuban and Russian military all over the place then? It's so hard to figure out.
The girl is kind of hot, and can act. Unfortunately she doesn't get naked, yet her boobs are falling out of her dress for the entire film, so it's a constant tease. There's even a scene where she meets Brandon Lee's character and is super suspicious, yet decides to have dinner with him anyway. However, she couldn't have worn a more revealing and sexy outfit if she tried. So, why would she wear something like that if she's already suspicious of Lee's intentions to begin with? It appears that this was the only film she ever appeared in, which is a shame that "this" was her claim to fame because she's not bad at all, and quite easy on the eyes.
You may enjoy this if you like absurdity and silliness with your action. I do not. Especially when it's hard to tell whether it's intentional or by accident. Let me put it this way. I couldn't finish the damn thing. Even with only roughly 30 minutes left, I just could bare the torture any longer. Brandon Lee deserves so much better than this.