Skyscraper Film Review; an Anna Nicole Smith Die Hard Ripoff That's Cheesy Awesome

Sadly, she does not wear this dress or even look like this in the actual film

Directed by: Raymond Martino
Category: Action

I'd always been aware of this low-budget action starring none other than Anna Nicole Smith, but oddly nothing about this production ever tempted me enough to actually watch it. And I honestly can't tell you why I finally decided to do so, but boy oh boy am I fucking glad I did, because this turned out to be far more entertaining than I expected it to be. Admittedly, all the reasons I loved it are probably the reasons why most would hate it, but for me, this was pure low-budget action gold.

Let's start with the obvious, Anna Nicole Smith starring in a Die Hard ripoff. While I was not expecting much from her in the acting department, though she was surprisingly decent in the 3rd Naked Gun film, I was not expecting her to be as terrible as she was in this. While it was highly entertaining to see this trainwreck performance, it was also a bit sad. Clearly on some kind of drug/medication, Smith's inability to deliver a single line of dialogue coherently has to be seen to be believed. I mean, it's bad. There's bad acting, and then there's Anna Nicole Smith on drugs kind of bad acting, which takes it to a whole new level of terrible. It's painfully apparent the filmmakers were aware of this, as her screen presence and actual lines are nearly non-existent. In fact, there were times when I actually forgot she was even in this, that is until a new random out of the blue nude/sex scene pops up with her.

When I finally got my hands on this, I was surprised, then elated to learn this was from none other than PM Entertainment, my absolute favorite low-budget action company. Their output is immense, and damn near impressive. If you're into this particular genre, their films will get you hooked! Some of my favorite action films are from this company, and they have so many films, it will take me my lifetime to try and get to them all, but it'll be fun trying. So yea, PM produced this and so I knew right off the bat that there would be a very specific quality to it and let me tell you, I was not disappointed.

Skyscraper had everything I had hoped for and then some. There is plenty of action, so much in fact that I forgot half the time this was an Anna Nicole film because it tends to focus so much on the other characters and action sequences more than anything. In this case, that's a good thing because I'm sure they didn't want the viewer to focus too much on Anna Nicole's hazy/incoherent acting. Writer/director Raymond Martino delivers some solid stuntwork, explosions, action set pieces, and a rather large and eclectic cast that entertains in the best, most cheesy way possible. When you see the group of bad guys, you'll know what I mean. I have so many unanswered questions that relate solely to them. Like, what accent are they trying to do? What's up with the leader? Is he speaking English? Why do they wear sunglasses in the dark? Why do they wear black leather pants? Why do they wear black leather coats? Why do they always have an insane number of readily available rocket launchers at any given moment? What is Anna Nicole doing in the shower in the beginning? Was the water turning her on? So many questions.

As this is a film starring none other than the one and only Anna Nicole Smith, you can bet your ass there's the requisite nudity, but what's kind of hilarious is that it's always at the weirdest, most unusual times, and always unexpected. Then it shockingly becomes tedious because she just looks so "out of it" the entire time and it isn't anything we haven't already seen before. I will admit, the first sex scene was nice, but also way too long for it's own good. Amazingly, I ended up kind of checking out during these and hoping the next action sequence would hit soon. They just end up being long and tedious, without really offering anything exciting, which is so weird to admit.

I wish I had waited to see this with a friend, or better yet, a group of friends. It's cheesy, hilarious, with some pretty badass action and stuntwork, and of course, truly awful acting by Smith who seems to pop in sporadically from time to time. It's a fun time for sure, and if you can appreciate films like this, then I'm sure Skyscraper will be a new favorite of yours.

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