robotGEEK'S Review: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

2003
Directed by: Marcus Nispel
Category: Horror

Not being a fan of remakes in general, in fact quite loathing a good 90% of them, I find myself liking these Chainsaw (TCM, TCM:The Beginning, TCM 3D) updates more than I should. In fact, these along with the Friday the 13th reboot are actually pretty damn good horror films. Whether you think it's a good thing or a bad thing, I should add that both the Friday and Chainsaw reboots were both helmed by video and commercial director Marcus Nispel.

But getting back to my point. I remember loving this thing when it first hit, but I think this was at the beginning of the whole remake/reboot craze and I don't think that whole concept had yet gotten to the bottom of the barrel garbage that we've been getting lately; a lot, I might add, that also came from Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes banner.

So it's Halloween night, and while everyone else has something going on, I'm sitting home alone looking for a horror film to watch. Particularly, I was in a "Slasher" type of mood. Being as I was itching to watch John Carpenter's Halloween, but not owning a copy (GASP!!), I went with what I had in stock. And I'd been meaning to revisit this one for some time. So what better excuse right? Well let's do this.

I realize a LOT of others don't agree with my point of view, but I seriously think this is a great horror film done right, remake/reboot or not. Director Marcus Nispel has done a bangup job bringing this dying franchise to life, and not in the sense that it necessarily tries to eclipse or even make you forget about the 4 films that came before it, but rather offers a refreshing and much needed update. Considering all the other horror franchises out there, the Chainsaw films have had about the least made, which is surprising because you'd think it could be easy coming up with different ways to have a guy running around with a chainsaw killing people. But yea, not the case with this one.

After blowing us away with the original in all it's dingy, gritty and almost documentary style realism, co-creator/writer/director Tobe Hooper decided to go the complete opposite direction with his follow-up, to mixed results. I'll admit, I've seen it countless times, and as much as I try to like it, I find it hard to sit through. Mainly because the constant screaming and yelling from Chop Top and others give me a headache. But overall, the silly vibe just doesn't gel very well with me, even though Dennis Hopper is pretty badass. Great effects, great set design and amazing trailer, but as a finished product, it's not a very good Chainsaw film. Now Part 3 I consider a great horror sequel, but I know a lot of other's don't. Personally, it's top notch filmmaking and holds that constant dark "something bad is about to happen" vibe throughout. Sure it's not very gory, but maybe we'll get an "uncut" version some day. Yes, I realize we already have an "uncut" release, but it's not really "uncut". Let's be honest here. Watch the "Special Features" on that disc and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Five years after Part 3 was released and failed to impress at the box office, the co-creator/writer of the original classic decides to give us another one called "The Next Generation". I'm just gonna leave that one alone.

Almost a good 10 years passes by before Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes decides to use this film as one of their first franchise reboots and while a lot of people were skeptical, ultimately became a box office hit. And why not? It's got a "lot" to admire. Great camerawork, an authentic gritty atmosphere and a no-holds-barred attitude that makes this better than you expect it to be. But most important, Andrew Bryniarski as Leatherface is one big scary son of a bitch, taking a different approach than all the other's before him.

They stick to the original story pretty well, only changing a few minor plot points, characters and adding a few new ones, but overall, it's very similar. Yet it plays out so differently because of it's structure. It really never slows down to be dull at any point. In fact, about a good 15 minutes in and it's just a nonstop ride of death and dread and chases and well, you get the picture. The infamous "dinner scene" is cut, but that's alright. This film moves fast enough that you won't miss it.

Not to beat a topic to death, but as I mentioned this earlier with my Chainsaw 3D review, and several times in others, I just don't dig remakes in general, especially in this era of the quick-cut shaky-cam. But I enjoy these new Chainsaw films. Maybe it's the simple fact that in the 4 previous films, between 1974 and 1994, (and the fact that there were only 4 of them in 20 years), we were only given 2 good ones (*open to debate). Of course with these new ones, the ending of 3D was stupid and ridiculous, but I even liked that film for the most part; I just need to erase that last 20 or 30 minutes from my memory. I sure as hell can't say that for a lot of these other horror reboots. Right off the top of my head, Samuel Bayer's Nightmare on Elm Street reboot/remake comes to mind. What a pointless, needless piece of crap.

For my money, this is about as good a horror film you can get, let alone in the "remake" sub-genre. It's got all the bells and whistles that come with a big budget horror film, yet made with a gritty realism that you rarely find in films anymore.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

VHS scan courtesy of VHSwasteland.com

1986
Directed by: Tobe Hooper
Category: Horror

You know, for all the flack that Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 gets for having barely any blood or gore I'm still kinda shocked that nobody ever gives this entry any shit for a number of reasons because this one has so much more wrong with it than Part 3.

For me, this wasn't the sequel we all waited 12 years for. A satire of the original? I don't think so. Because that's all this is, a satire playing on the horror's of the original for laughs.

I tried really, really hard to enjoy it but I just couldn't get past the silliness of it all. I mean, look at that cover! It's a mock up of The Breakfast Club poster. That should have been our first clue. TCM2 is not scary, even in the slightest and I don't think it ever tries to be. And one of the biggest things that bugged me the entire time is that unless you watch this thing with subtitles, you can't understand a single damn word that comes out of Chop-Top and The Cook's mouths. It's almost like they ad-libbed most of there dialogue with as many four letter words and a slew of ones I'd never even heard of as they could think of in that very moment and a lot of it is completely unintelligible. I honestly couldn't understand most of it, but that's just me.

The film certainly looks nice and director Tobe Hooper's visual talents are on full display here, as is Tom Savini's incredible makeup work. But unfortunately that doesn't save this thing from kinda dull, not scary and just plain weird in some parts. Now, it does have it's moments for sure, like when Stretch has to wear the face of her co-worker when she sneaks into there compound and Leatherface discovers her, forcing her to wear his face mask. Then he wakes up missing his face after we all thought he was dead! That was kinda cool and really awesome makeup work from Savini. Another is when Leatherface and Chop-Top show up at the radio station to kill Stretch and Leatherface has cornered Stretch after crashing through a wall and ends up becoming sexually aroused with his chainsaw between her legs. Kinda weird, but cool.
The first sequence where Leatherface and the gang are in that blue pickup truck and chase the car of yuppies on the bridge while driving backwards was probably the best sequence in the film. Really well staged, shot and executed right down to the yuppies head getting sawed in half. Just awesome work from everyone involved.
As much as I love Bill Moseley, I think he overdid his role here and just came off as a silly characature of the original character (the hitchhiker) from the first film. Dennis Hopper adds a little bit of cred to the film by playing a Lieutenant form another county hot on the trail of the Sawyer gang as he believes they killed his nephew (the guy in the wheelchair from the first film). He's also pretty damn weird in here, but I can't fault him (though he's proven he can play crazy many times) as the script doesn't take any of these characters seriously at all. Like I said, it's a satire that's aimed at trying to make you laugh and for me, I just thought that was the wrong way to go.
I can't remember too much about the time when this first came out as I was only 10, but I remember the trailer really making this thing look crazy scary and exactly what the type of film we had been waiting 12 years for. The trailer seemed to promise on those expectations but totally did a 180 on us. People give TCM3 shit for not being bloody or gory, but with the exception of maybe 3 scenes, neither does this one. At least part 3, which has nothing to do with the storyline of 1 or 2, had an atmosphere of dread and suspense to it.

I hadn't seen this entry in a really long time and was hoping that my memories of it were somehow off with the passing of time and that it was actually much better than what I remember it being. Sad to say that isn't the case. I love me some Tobe Hooper and Tom Savini, but here it just seemed like there talents were wasted in this Chainsaw entry that played more for laughs than scares. It's not gory, scary or even entertaining the way a Chainsaw movie should be. I know I'll probably get flack for this, but I have to admit that I enjoyed the TCM remake from 2003 and even more so, the TCM:The Beginning sequel from 2006 so much more than this one. But hey, at least it's not as bad as Return of the Living Dead II. What an atrocity.